Unfortunately, you can’t choose the family you were born into. So, if you were born into a family with many ”crazies”, you would have to put up with it till you either cut ties or set boundaries when you are of age. No family is perfect, and as the saying goes, there is a black sheep in every family. Cutting toxic family members off is easier said than done because family bonds have strengthened over the years. This piece refers to the black and toxic sheep in your family and how you can protect your peace and keep a respectful distance.
If You Don’t Set Boundaries
Many people give up and settle or cope with a family member’s bad behavior. However, settling and dealing isn’t the way to do it; as a matter of fact, you enable their behavior to go on because there are no consequences for their toxic attitude, and for them, you are ok with it. Drawing the line is the consequence of their actions.
Why Setting Boundaries Matter
PUT YOURSELF FIRST
Yes, you matter; your feelings matter and so do your ideas. Unfortunately, not many people or family members will see and respect that, but that is okay. It is now up to you to decide if you want that kind of energy around you. The same goes for love. You can’t teach people how to love you (more often than not, they do not know how). First, love yourself and appreciate who you. Then, people will value you. People will not take you seriously if you do not take yourself seriously. Learn to appreciate yourself and celebrate your achievements.
One way to show that you value yourself is to get yourself good and fine stuff. For example, if you are a lover of jewelry, you can get yourself any of the finest luxury accessories, especially the Balenciaga Gold-tone Crystal Evening Bracelet that speaks of elegance and class.
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So, you must learn to appreciate yourself first. If you are afraid of cutting toxic family members off because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, you might end up hurting yourself more. Right now, the only feelings that matter are yours, and you need to protect them from people that will disregard or manipulate you.
BE UNWAVERING IN YOUR STANCE
After setting boundaries, you might start feeling guilty and second-guessing your decision. But, you need to be firm. Many people think setting boundaries means being rude and dismissive, but it is far from the case. Drawing the lines could mean communicating how they make you feel and if nothing changes, cut down contact hours with the toxic person if you can help it, or calmly walk away in volatile situations to protect your peace.
Do not fall for pleas from the individual because they could be manipulating you. When dealing with a narcissist, they might apologize because they miss having that access to you. They can make you feel like you are overreacting or ultimately minimize and dismiss your feelings and experience with them.
SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
It will be unrealistic to avoid this toxic family member your whole life. You will surely bump into them during Christmas parties or Thanksgiving dinners. So what do you do when you are in such situations? If the dinner or party is in their house, it is okay not to attend. If they are not the hosts, you can decide how much time you will spend with them. It will also be best to limit interactions with them because they might say something that can trigger negative emotions. In the end, you decide what feels right to you and your peace.
Consequently, I have seen many teenage girls who grew up losing their self-confidence and identity because of the insult and humiliations they experienced from toxic family members. Sometimes, toxic family members are the reason why many young girls lose their true selves because they feel worthless. The flipbook, Talks with a Young Girl Concerning Herself (Flipbook + Downloadable E-Book), provides deep insight into how a young girl should carry herself with grace and elegance irrespective of the toxic people around her. Every young girls needs this book to thrive and survive in a world full of toxic people.
Sometimes seeking assistance from family members who care about you will help make the process a lot easier. Understandably, you will go through a lot, especially when it is a very close family member like a sibling or parent but remember setting boundaries is a healthy habit.
